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Castlevania meets The Bachelor in this very silly, fun but flawed game - Romancelvania Quick Review

831 View2023-03-13

PLAY IT OR SKIP IT?

Play it if you love Metroidvanias or dating sims, but skip it if you’re looking for a game that’s extremely polished in either of those genres. Humor is hard to pull off in video games,and to Romancelvania’s credit, it does a solid job of parodying a masterpiece like Castlevania: Symphony of the Night through the lens of a reality TV dating show. While it’s an undeniably charming game that kept me smiling throughout, it’s no surprise that this indie effort can’t quite fill those dark and spooky shoes while cracking jokes the whole time. And yet I still kind of love it.

TIME PLAYED

I played ten and a half hours of Romancelvania, which has taken me deep into the third chapter of the story. I seem to be barreling toward the endgame at this point, and I can say with certainty that I plan to finish this one. Since this is a Metroidvania, your completion time may vary a lot depending on how much time you spend exploring and trying to find hidden goodies. For my part, I’m obsessive with these types of games, so I’m probably taking longer than average.

WHAT’S AWESOME

• Characters. In Romancelvania, I stepped into the melodramatic role of Drac, the heartbroken king of all vampires who’s spent the last few centuries moping and pining after a mysterious ex. Before long, Drac is forced out of his depressed routine and pushed into starring in a reality TV dating show where he is paired up with sexy single monsters from across Transylvania and beyond. Think The Bachelor but with moderately more bloodsucking.

It’s a silly, fun concept, but for it to work, the cast needs to deliver. Thankfully, Romancelvania’s roster of a dozen or so potential love interests is a blast. Just to give a few examples of who you can fall for: There’s Fenton, the bookworm wolf-man who turns into a foul-mouthed New Jersey native named Sully whenever he drinks a drop of booze; P.S. Elle, the (ahem) “Switch Witch” who has been cursed to live her life in pumpkin form and loves nothing more than puns; and my personal favorite, Vess, a functioning alcoholic genie who is tired of being used to grant others’ wishes and wants to fulfill some of her own for once.

None of these cast members are particularly deep, as the game remains pretty strongly focused on humor above all else. But each of them have just enough personality to be appealing, which is much needed for any good dating game. I definitely struggled with picking who to give the “black rose” in elimination ceremonies.

• Exploration. If a great cast is a necessity for a good dating sim, top-notch map exploration is what good Metroidvanias require. Romancelvania’s map delivers, even if it’s not quite as complex or compelling to work through as the best games in the genre. Still, once I unlocked the double-jump I was driven to go back through every inch of the virtual world looking for new stuff I could reach. That’s as good a litmus test as any for whether a game has interesting enough exploration.

• Jokes. Taste in comedy is deeply personal, so I can’t guarantee that Romancelvania will have you laughing more than cringing. For what it’s worth, though, I was cracking a grin and letting out audible giggles more often than I expected. In addition to playfully poking at the expectations of the Metroidvania genre, the game also takes swipes at reality TV culture, the awkwardness of flirting, and the absurdity of mythical monsters trying to find love. It’s good fun.

WHAT SUCKS

• Movement and controls. First off, know that even if you play Romancelvania on PC, you should plan to use a controller. The game’s mouse-and-keyboard controls are not good. Even beyond that, though, I found movement and combat to be stiff and less responsive than I wished. Sometimes I would tap the jump button and be met with no action on-screen. And while there are a couple of weapon and sub-weapon types that emphasize faster movement, they never felt reliable enough for me to stick with them.

• Special abilities. Speaking of control problems, Romancelvania gives Drac access to a number of spells and abilities, such as calling down lightning, shooting out a Medusa head that freezes enemies, or summoning a literal tornado of blood to heal himself. Annoyingly, though, these spells are tied to quick, fighting-game-style button inputs; the aforementioned Medusa spell uses the same button combo as Street Fighter’s legendary “Hadouken,” which allows for a dumb “Head-oken” joke.

Using fighting game combos to cast spells would be a little annoying but fine if the game’s controls were up to the task. Unfortunately, Romancelvania seemed to constantly misinterpret my inputs. Over and over, I would do something simple like jumping from one platform to another and inexplicably see my character slam to the ground and bring down a blood tornado. These abilities have long cooldowns, as well, so an unintended, mistimed use can be immensely frustrating.

• Lighting. Though the character art looks great, Romancelvania’s visuals in general land closer to what I’d describe as “getting the job done” rather than actually good. But where the game really falls flat is in the lighting used throughout levels. The dungeons, castles, and caves I visited throughout the game were garishly lit, alternating between unnecessarily harsh areas of color and segments of darkness that were so pitch-black I could barely see Drac moving through them. The game’s attempted solution is a bat assistant that follows Drac around with a spotlight aiming at him. That would be a heavy-handed solution and a sign that maybe the developer should have reconsidered how lighting worked through the game, even if it worked well. It doesn’t, however; the bat often floated well behind Drac and would get stuck on walls or floors when trying to catch up.

💬 Is Romancelvania appointment reality TV viewing for you, or are you planning to change the channel and skip this one? Let me know in a comment below!

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