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Meat Boy and Dr. Mario walk into a lab - Dr. Fetus’ Mean Meat Machine Quick Review

3K View2023-06-28

Dr. Fetus' Mean Meat Machine

10.0

Fast-pacedDifficultActionCartoonyCasualSingleplayerArcadePuzzle

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PLAY IT OR SKIP IT?

Play it if you love the hair-tearing, controller-smashing challenge of Super Meat Boy and the color-stacking puzzle action of Dr. Mario, because Dr. Fetus’ Mean Meat Machine really needs no further introduction: It is those two games combined into one. It’s a game about dropping pairs of mutant globs into a test chamber full of insta-death obstacles, and it’s enraging and addictive in equal measure—just like Super Meat Boy.

TIME PLAYED

I’ve played two and a half hours of Dr. Fetus’ Mean Meat Machine, which was enough time for me to complete the first two worlds. Each world consists of twenty levels, with a boss encounter as the finale. The locations were familiar from my many hours spent with Super Meat Boy: I revisited the Forest, the Hospital, and the Salt Factory, but this time each level was a chamber into which my mutant globs dropped two by two. There are six worlds beyond the tutorial, although since this is a Team Meat game, I expect there’s probably some post-game secret stages to find.

WHAT’S AWESOME

• It’s actually a lot like Super Meat Boy. Look, this isn’t a game that’s going to work for everyone, and it’ll be a bit of a shock to anyone jumping in straight from Dr. Mario or Tetris. Spinning saw blades, grinning ghosts, and other obstacles popped up in each level I tried, and even brushing them meant instant failure and starting over. This can be absolutely enraging, but that’s always been a big part of Super Meat Boy’s charm. Stages reset so quickly that death was always just a half second of intense fury, and then I was right back in making another attempt. If you’re not the kind of person who enjoys that kind of light video game masochism, file this bullet under the “What Sucks” section instead.

• Level variety. The introduction of deadly traps doesn’t just ruin runs over and over; it also creates the opportunity for impressive and varied level design. In one level, I had to carefully stack my little globs in the center of the room while two enormous saw blades closed in from the sides. In another, I had to carefully thread them into gaps between blocks suspended in the middle of the room, trying to time it so I didn’t touch either ghosts or blades. Learning and using each new mechanic, like the dash and invincibility window triggered by combos, becomes increasingly important as levels progress.

• One...more...level. It’s a testament to how hard Dr. Fetus’ Mean Meat Machine has me hooked that, mere moments after I set my controller down on my desk to avoid hurling it at the wall, I was usually sweating my way through the next level because I couldn’t stand leaving the one I was stuck on unbeaten. It took a little while for this to kick in, but by the time I had cleared the Forest, I was dialed right back into Meat Boy mode—I needed to see what that jerk Dr. Fetus had waiting for me in the next chamber.

• Checkpoint system. Most levels in Dr. Fetus’ Mean Meat Machine have multiple phases. When I had combined enough four-cell chains to fill up the mutagen meter, the level would bring in a new trap or change the layout slightly. It always meant that the level got harder, but fortunately, a checkpoint triggered every time this happened. Instead of having to go back to the very beginning each time I failed, I’d only have to go back to the start of the current phase. My currently un-smashed controller is extremely grateful.

WHAT SUCKS

• Unclear collision boxes. There were a couple enemies I ran into that didn’t have collision that perfectly aligned with the on-screen sprite; the large ghosts were an example of this. It felt like I could get away with going slightly “behind” these enemies, if I slid a piece over their head, but it was inconsistent and made it all the more frustrating the next time I got hit making a move I thought I could pull off.

• Dr. Fetus kinda sucks? Look, I know, he’s the bad guy and has always been Meat Boy and Bandage Girl’s mortal enemy. What I mean is, he’s just not a good enough character to support his own game. He’s a guy who feels caught out of time at this point, like he got lost on his way back to the Retirement Community for Albino Blacksheep Memes.

💬 Are you ready for another challenging entry in the Meat Boy Extended Universe, or do you not need that kind of aggravation in your life right now? If not, I understand, but let me know either way in the comments.